HUNDREDS ATTEND SHALOM BAYIS LECTURE SERIES AT ADAS TORAH

May 10, 2018

Rebecca Klempner, Jewish Home LA

Enthusiastic crowds crammed into two recent shalom bayis events at Adas Torah. Approximately 200 women attended a lecture by Jackie Bitton on April 23rd. On the 24th, 150 men attended given by Rabbi Reuven Epstein.

The events were spearheaded by Dr. David Stoll, a strong believer in the importance of marriage education. “It’s something that is greatly needed in the community,” he says. “This was confirmed by my conversations with local rabbonim, therapists in the community, and everyday people.

“We all know that every day we have to work on our avodas Hashem. We should never be satisfied with the level we are on. So too, every day we need to work on our marriages, and we should never be satisfied with the level we’re on. If our marriage is 5 or 6 stars out of 10, even 7 stars, why not aspire to 10? …Every day, we live a life connecting to Hashem, and every day we live a life connecting with our spouses.”

Dr. Stoll looked around for stellar speakers on the topic and brought two to L.A. for the lecture series. Rebbetzin Jackie Bitton, who speaks frequently for Ohr Naava, offered an advice-filled lecture punctuated with both tearful moments and laugh-out-loud ones. According to Julie Iskowitz, who attended the event, “[Mrs.] Bitton encouraged each woman to create ‘a happy and positive home,’ to ‘squash the tension before it gets ugly,’ and she instructed each woman to ‘make what is important to one’s husband important to her.’”

The following evening, Rabbi Epstein, who is an accountant by profession, provided real-life examples of how men can show their wives love, back away from confrontation, and see things from her point of view. He followed that with a lively question and answer period.

Evey Liebow attended the women’s event and said, “I like that [Mrs. Bitton] had an outline of topics which was super clear and organized, and that she reviewed everything at the end. And she was well-spoken, with funny anecdotes that were engaging.”

Jamie Kleinman agreed that Mrs. Bitton’s humor made the evening particularly enjoyable. She added, “What was really nice about it was that they had a women’s and a men’s class connected, on back-to-back evenings…shalom bayis can be much better with both parties educated.”

Her husband, Tomer, attended the following evening’s program with Rabbi Epstein. “There aren’t many shalom bayisprograms for men, and I liked having the opportunity to attend.”

Dr. Stoll hopes this is the just beginning of this shalom bayis project. “We’ll see what the feedback is from the event, then we’ll plan new programs based on what people say they want and need. We are very encouraged by the great showing we had.” Anyone who would like to assist with future events can contact Dr. Stoll by email at info@myshalombayis.com.

Los Angeles – Hundreds of Attendees at Shalom Bayis Lectures

July 27, 2018

The Jewish Link

A crowd of over 250 women were treated to an outstanding lecture on the topic of intimacy on Monday, July 16 at Congregation Adas Torah. And, the following night, over 200 men assembled to receive another great lecture on the same topic.

The events were arranged and sponsored by Dr. David Stoll, a local dermatologist. Dr. Stoll initiated the series of shalom bayis lectures three months ago to benefit the entire community. The initial pair of lectures drew hundreds of participants thus propelling Dr. Stoll to put together another similar event.

This time, the topic was intimacy, a topic that is often glossed over in the orthodox Jewish community. Dr. Stoll felt that it was time to address the topic in a modest but forceful way in an effort to provide guidance and answer lingering questions. He sought out two of the top speakers on the subject – Rochel Goldbaum of Denver, Colorado who is a marriage counselor, kallah teacher and international lecturer was chosen to speak to the women. She started off with a lecture Sunday night, July 15 in the Valley at a private home. Not only was the audience mesmerized by the talk, but the question and answer period extended for hours after the formal lecture ended. Mrs. Goldbaum followed up the next evening at Adas Torah to a packed auditorium with a similar response.

Rabbi Moshe Kesselman, the rabbi of Congregation Shaarei Tefila of Los Angeles, was the choice to speak to the men. In addition to being a synagogue rabbi, Kesselman is a renowned chosson teacher for soon-to-be-married men. He enumerated seven points that a man must institute to create a solid marriage as the basis for establishing an intimate relationship with his wife.

Together, Mrs. Goldbaum and Rabbi Kesselman provided much needed information for the married community at large. The audience ranged from newlyweds to people married over 40 years! There was something to be learned for everyone. Dr. Stoll was encouraged by the great showing and plans to put together future events within the theme of shalom bayis. “We really saw the entire orthodox Jewish community come together with this topic. It underscores the need for further hadrachah (guidance) on a variety of topics within the shalom bayis genre,” he stated.

Los Angeles – Attendees Pack The House To Attend Shalom Bayis Lectures

May 15, 2019

The Jewish Link

A pair of lectures on shalom bayis attracted hundreds of attendees on May 13 and 14 at Nessah Synagogue. The lectures, part of an ongoing series of talks on shalom bayis, were arranged by Dr. David Stoll, a local dermatologist with an interest in promoting marital harmony.

Monday night, May 13 featured Mrs. Rivka Malka Perlman from Baltimore. Mrs. Perlman has an extensive background working in kiruv, and currently is a life coach guiding people to connect with their inner selves. Mrs. Perlman really had the audience spellbound for her hour talk. She began with the question of “Who am I? What do I bring to this marriage?” She then emphasized the role of emunah, stating that marriage is made up of three partners – the husband, the wife, and Hashem himself.

Addressing the reality of today’s Jewish woman, Mrs. Perlman described the impossible task of working, running a household, and being the perfect wife and mother. Perfect, she emphasized, does not exist. And women should not mentally beat themselves up if they are not perfect. Self accusations and lies against one’s self, she related, not only are harmful, but contrary to halacha. Mrs. Perlman encouraged people to delight in the goodness of life, be it food, sunshine or simply taking a shower. The attendees were riveted to their seats to the very end of the lecture. Many women stayed afterward to speak with Mrs. Perlman. She can be reached at itsrivkamalka@gmail.com.

Rabbi Efraim Stauber came all the way from Israel to address the men on Tuesday night, May 14. Rabbi Stauber’s most recent passion is the development of an online community called eKehilla.com, replete with lectures, divrei torah and connecting people from all types of backgrounds in the online kehilla. He is also a certified marriage counselor. Rabbi Stauber spoke to the men about analyzing the underlying reasons why we act the way we do with our spouses.

Men, he pointed out, need respect whereas women need to feel safe and not abandoned. Trust is the biggest element of marriage because it means that we are exposing our needs and inadequacies to someone who will keep that information guarded. Rabbi Stauber encouraged the men to work on a better understanding of themselves as well as their spouses. He can be reached at eKehilla.com.

Both speakers also spoke in the Valley at the home of Mr. and Mrs. Azzi and Alia Silkoff. The Valley crowds were just as enthusiastic with the lectures staying way beyond their speaking times to address questions from the audience.

Dr. Stoll hopes to put together more lectures on the general topic of shalom bayis in the future. If you are interested in more information, please email info@myshalombayis.com. For those who were unable to attend the lectures, they are available to be viewed online at torahanytime.com.

Shalom Bayis Lectures Resonate With Attendees

November 25, 2019

The Jewish Link

In a continuing series of lectures on shalom bayis (marital harmony), the Los Angeles community was treated to several great speakers on the subject. The topic this time around was”Tools and Tips from the Wisdom of Torah”.

Michal Horowitz, a highly sought after speaker from New York, graced the audiences in the Valley and Beverly Hills with her warm and heart felt stories. Mrs. Horowitz is no stranger to Los Angeles, having spoken last year at the YULA shabbaton and the OU west coast convention. A speaker in great demand, she was recruited to speak in Denver, Fort Lee, Five Towns and Los Angeles just in the month of November alone!

Speaking first at Congregation Shaarey Zedek in the Valley on Sunday November 17th and then at Nessah Synagogue in Beverly Hills on November 18th, Mrs. Horowitz related a number of Torah based examples of how we should relate to our spouses. She pointed out that there are only two places in the Torah where the words “lo tov” (not good) are used. Now, one can think of many unpleasant events that the Torah relates, but, yet there are only two instances where this phrase is used. The first is in relation to Adam who, before the creation of his wife Chava, was all alone in the world.

The second instance was when Moshe Rabbainu had taken upon himself to judge every single case of dispute among the Jewish nation., His father in law, Yisro, related to him that it is “lo tov” that he assumes all of the responsibility alone, but he should delegate authority to others to judge the lesser cases. In each case the phrase “lo tov” is followed by the use of the word alone. In Adam’s case, it was physical loneliness. He did not have a partner. In the case of Moshe, it was quite the opposite, he was inundated with work and was anything but alone.. How, then, can we say that Moshe was alone?

Mrs. Horowitz pointed out that even if we are in a relationship such as marriage, we can still feel alone and isolated from our spouses. Lack of communication, lack of feeling are signs of loneliness in a marriage. Just going through the motions of earning a living and raising children is quite a painful existence without a connection to our spouses. That is why the Torah singles out loneliness as the prime example of “lo tov”.

Mrs. Horowitz brought in other Torah based examples of how to communicate and appreciate our spouses despite the troubles and travails that encompass our lives.

Rabbi Jonathan Rosenberg delivered a passionate lecture in his own shule, Shaarey Zedek, on Monday November 18. In a smooth and calming manner, Rabbi Rosenberg quoted various Torah sources for maintaining shalom bayis, as issue that he deals with on a constant basis as a congregational rabbi. His well received talk ran over the allotted time due to the voluminous material that he presented. But all participants stayed to the very end due to the great presentation and subject matter.

The next evening, November 19, Rabbi Dov Heller enthralled his audience at Nessah Synagogue in Beverly Hills by enumerating the 4 Torah principles of shalom bayis: namely; chesed, love, joy and patience.Rabbi Heller, a practicing psychotherapist, quoted the Ramchal (Rabbi Moshe Luzzato) in stating that one should give love and avoid giving pain to others. In quoting many rabbinic authorities of past and present, Rabbi Heller weaved in many practical suggestions based on his years of family therapy. Make time to be together, be a good listener, do not be self centered by just focusing on what is bothering you, He emphasized the importance of coming home from work in a good mood and leaving your troubles at the office. As with the other speakers, the audience was riveted to their seats even as the talk ran overtime.

Dr. David Stoll, the organizer of the events, says that the series will continue to grow with new speakers and new topics in the future. For more information, please go to the web site myshalombayis.com.